The Balance

Tomorrow I'm due to report back to work from maternity leave. No, I'm not ready. No, I don't want to go back to work, especially not that work. Given that my daughter has a head cold and now G is suffering from similar and worse symptoms, I seriously doubt that I'll make it to that dreaded (albeit necessary) place of employment. My plans were to have won either the Power Ball or Mega Millions lotteries by now so that the thought of returning to work would not have even formed in my brain. Alas, I have not yet won, but I'm not giving up!

G's Mama (otherwise known as Granny Ma) will be caring for the little one once I officially return to the workforce (unless of course I win the lottery or come into some other financial endowments which allow someone such freedoms...yet I digress...). It honestly does not seems natural to leave your child while you go and work. No, I haven't actually taken that action yet, but I anticipate that it will feel wrong...just WRONG! This day has certainly crept upon me. Yes, I knew it was coming but damn, so soon?

The other concern is clothes! I have a few pairs of slacks that I can still wear....barely. It's like my weight has shifted. The baby weight is gone (with no effort on my part)...the weight that remains is weight that I needed to lose even before becoming pregnant. So....I can't blame it on Olivia. I have ideals of making it to the gym, but that's so far fetched these days. If I didn't make it when I was childless, it's going to really take a concerted effort, a team effort even for me to get there now. Happily though, LA Fitness continues to debit my account monthly regardless to whether or not I ever step foot in one of their facilities again. I thought them taking $ out of my account would make me go during pregnancy, but it didn't. I just wanted to sleep and relax. And now guess what....all I want to do is sleep and relax! Ah yes, sleep.....I do have memories of what has become a phenomenon to me.

I'm all over the place in this post. Thoughts are rambling. Mentally attempting to prepare to depart from my child while also running a mental checklist of all that I need to get done today in order to comfortably leave her in her Grandmother's care tomorrow (if I go to work). I thought I'd be more ready for this, but I'm not. I'm sure Olivia will be just fine without me for a few hours, but I'm not so sure I'll be fine without her for 8 consecutive hours.

While I've miraculously managed to remain the only well one in the house, I feel sick at the thought of leaving my family tomorrow. This is just not right! I've got to find the home, life, work balance....and I guess it begins tomorrow.....**deep, long, exasperated sigh**

**Editors Note**
I have decided not to return to work until next Wednesday, June 2nd. I've bought (literally w/vacation days) myself another week so that I can care for my sick and shut-in.

30 DAYS!!!!

I can't believe I'm here already. Entering my 9th (and hopefully final) month of pregnancy. (There is a phenomenon known as a 10th month of pregnancy, once you hit 41 wks, but we need not have those type discussions here...k...thanks). I am a calendar day away from the official expected due date of April 5th. I can't help but to wonder if my darling daughter will fall within the 5% and come on the day it's been calculated that she should arrive. I seriously doubt it, but I am hopeful that she will make her grand appearance no later than the 40th week of pregnancy. I certainly don't want to go into post-term pregnancy. Too early or too late, neither is great, but late is better than early I suppose.

In preparation for the great maternity leave, I had a meeting on Tuesday with my management team. They have been so awesome during my pregnancy. The discussion points were who's going to take on my workload while I'm out for 12 weeks (that's right, 12 long, lovely weeks to recuperate and bond w/my daughter). The irony is that it takes 3 managers to do the work of one Sr. Analyst, me; but that's a discussion for a different day. I do a lot and have a huge responsibility with a lot of exposure and being away will perhaps allow the "powers that be" to see just how critical my role and talents truly are. Oftentimes people don't realize what they have until its gone.

I really need to shift into get'r done mode. I've been slacking lately and resting mostly. The workday is wiping me out and when I get home I find myself on the sofa in dire need of a nap, and who am I to fight sleep? I just really don't like having things undone. My hospital bag is only partially packed, I still need to launder things for baby girl, I have a ton of thank you cards to write out and mail, we need to install the car seat bases in our cars, there are still things we need to purchase from our registry that we didn't receive from the shower last Saturday and I'm certain that there's something else I'm forgetting to remember right now. Gifts have been coming in the mail all week from friends that couldn't make the shower and we are really appreciative. The love shown to us has been amazing! Not to mention that my friends and co-workers are giving me a shower on Thursday. That's 3 showers! How can I not personally write thank you notes to them all. I'll get it done. I'll get it all done b/c that's just who I am and how I operate. Maybe not as quickly as I'd like, but it will all be done.

Oh yeah, I received the link from my photographer, so the shower pics are up. If I can find the energy I will add a few pics here over the weekend. No promises though b/c its suppose to be a nice weekend w/plenty of sun and warmth and I'm bound to be out enjoying it. So maybe I'll just say I'll add pictures soon...yeah, that's more realistic...LOL

This Friday is one of my favorite Fridays. It's a short one for me b/c I have a doctor's appointment and will be leaving the office for the day at 1pm!!! I believe they'll be taking blood and giving me the GBS test today and then the regular routine. I do love to hear my baby's heartbeat. She's so active now that I know she's doing well and thats really reassuring. However, there is nothing as reassuring as holding your healthy baby in your arms. COUNTDOWN TO SHOWTIME!!!