The Balance

Tomorrow I'm due to report back to work from maternity leave. No, I'm not ready. No, I don't want to go back to work, especially not that work. Given that my daughter has a head cold and now G is suffering from similar and worse symptoms, I seriously doubt that I'll make it to that dreaded (albeit necessary) place of employment. My plans were to have won either the Power Ball or Mega Millions lotteries by now so that the thought of returning to work would not have even formed in my brain. Alas, I have not yet won, but I'm not giving up!

G's Mama (otherwise known as Granny Ma) will be caring for the little one once I officially return to the workforce (unless of course I win the lottery or come into some other financial endowments which allow someone such freedoms...yet I digress...). It honestly does not seems natural to leave your child while you go and work. No, I haven't actually taken that action yet, but I anticipate that it will feel wrong...just WRONG! This day has certainly crept upon me. Yes, I knew it was coming but damn, so soon?

The other concern is clothes! I have a few pairs of slacks that I can still wear....barely. It's like my weight has shifted. The baby weight is gone (with no effort on my part)...the weight that remains is weight that I needed to lose even before becoming pregnant. So....I can't blame it on Olivia. I have ideals of making it to the gym, but that's so far fetched these days. If I didn't make it when I was childless, it's going to really take a concerted effort, a team effort even for me to get there now. Happily though, LA Fitness continues to debit my account monthly regardless to whether or not I ever step foot in one of their facilities again. I thought them taking $ out of my account would make me go during pregnancy, but it didn't. I just wanted to sleep and relax. And now guess what....all I want to do is sleep and relax! Ah yes, sleep.....I do have memories of what has become a phenomenon to me.

I'm all over the place in this post. Thoughts are rambling. Mentally attempting to prepare to depart from my child while also running a mental checklist of all that I need to get done today in order to comfortably leave her in her Grandmother's care tomorrow (if I go to work). I thought I'd be more ready for this, but I'm not. I'm sure Olivia will be just fine without me for a few hours, but I'm not so sure I'll be fine without her for 8 consecutive hours.

While I've miraculously managed to remain the only well one in the house, I feel sick at the thought of leaving my family tomorrow. This is just not right! I've got to find the home, life, work balance....and I guess it begins tomorrow.....**deep, long, exasperated sigh**

**Editors Note**
I have decided not to return to work until next Wednesday, June 2nd. I've bought (literally w/vacation days) myself another week so that I can care for my sick and shut-in.

25wks and Christmas

We hit 25wks on Monday, Dec 21st and I can tell that Little Miss is growing a lot! Her movements are more pronounced and you can definitely now see them from the outside. I was laying in bed the other night and her movements felt so strong that I decided to take a look to see if they were visible yet from the outside, and they were! It's the weirdest/most amazing thing to see your stomach moving like that. However, in all honesty, I have been waiting for these moments.

I've kinda feel bad for G b/c he doesn't get to experience pregnancy the way that I do but if his timing is right he will soon be able to feel his daughter's karate kicks in my stomach. I love it though and wouldn't trade anything in the world for knowing that my baby is alive and thriving inside of my womb! Sometimes its hard to imagine that in about 15 weeks I'll be giving birth to our darling daughter. I feel so honored to be entrusted with such a precious little one. If God doesn't do anything thing else for me, blessing me with a healthy, happy, little girl is enough for me to ride into heaven on. Pregnancy is such an amazing emotional, spiritual, financial and physical experience. I know that no one woman has the exact same experience as the next, which makes it all the more special. But I do love to converse with other expectant mothers. Its great to talk to someone who can understand and relate to the things you're experiencing. I love talking to G about pregnancy and how good it's been to me, but sometimes I just don't think he gets how much is really taking place inside this body of mine. I'm literally, the host body for our baby until its time for her to be born and that takes a toll. More so emotionally and hormonally for me. I am flighty when it comes to the hormones. One day I want him gone and to disappear from the face of the earth, and the very next day I want to snuggle and be nothing but wrapped up in his arms of comfort. I never knew the hormonal ride could be so dramatic. I have been a drama queen and he takes it all in stride and says stuff like that he loves my expanding hips, he loves me and our baby growing in my stomach. How sweet is that? Yeah, that makes even me snap out of my tempermental evil! LOL

Christmas is in 3 days!!! I'm excited and think it's the perfect ending to a pretty great year. I mean, finding out that we were expecting was probably the best news ever so again, I could ride out on that alone. However, I always look forward to spending the Christmas holiday with my family back home in Alabama. It's not a far drive, but I rarely drive home anymore, especially now. So going home tomorrow is going to be great! My Mama and brother are excited to see how pregnant I've become since they last saw me in October. I'd say it's pretty drastic but we'll see what they think. I don't even think I was really showing when I was home. Most people didn't even believe I was pregnant, but now, oh, there's no denying that there's someone growing inside of me. I love looking pregnant and wearing maternity clothes. They are so comfortable! I haven't worn heels since this summer. Everything that I put my feet into is a flat. Even my winter boots are flat, although they come up to my knee. I just can't do that to my knees or feet b/c the last thing I'd want to do is get a little off kilter and tumble over. Not a good look. I don't have height issues so it's all good and all about comfort. I sometimes wonder if I'll ever desire to go back to my regular clothes. I mean, why on earth did we stop wearing elastic waist pants? LOL!!

Ok, I really need to get some laundry done and start packing b/c if I don't then I won't get on the road tomorrow like I've planned. I'm going to my nail spot to get the mani/pedi done today after work b/c they just don't do as good of a job back home. So that's it for me. I hope everyone has a wonderfully blessed and Merry Christmas!